


in this light, i swear you're mine

by blazezabeani



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: ALSO THERES HURT COMFORT WE LOVE TO SEE IT, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Finnpoe - Freeform, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Poe Dameron/Finn, Modern AU, Mostly Fluff with a lil angst, Non-Canonical, Reylo fluff, Sharing Clothes, Star Wars Modern AU, also i forgot theres some unrequited love i had to do it to yall, also side finnpoe ofc, basically the gang throws a new years party and let the reylo ensue, basically this fic is just 8k of me simping for ben solo, enjoy!!, now for the real tags, ok bye :)), ok i need to stop tagging im just having so much fun rn, rey also simps hard, tw: brief alcohol mentions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:48:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28113387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blazezabeani/pseuds/blazezabeani
Summary: ‘I’m Ben, by the way.’Rey stilled.I know who you are. Hell, all I think about is you, and here you are, shirtless, at bloody 4:30 in the morning, drunk.A sudden wave of bitterness crashed over her.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 17
Kudos: 54





	in this light, i swear you're mine

**Author's Note:**

> hi everyone!!  
> this is my first fic so comments/feedback are welcome :))  
> find me on tumblr [@blazezabeani](https://blazezabeani.tumblr.com/)  
> thank you so much to my beta readers ru and chloe, i couldn't have done it without you!!  
> a huge thank you to fern for the beautiful drawing ([@formerlyfernpool](https://formerlyfernpool.tumblr.com/) on tumblr)  
> songs are linked throughout the fic if you feel like having a listen or [here's](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL_OiVO2W6gojcM6KdhaBnvdBpxNTzr5uS) the playlist  
> enjoy <3

[love. ft. zacari - kendrick lamar](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWYcVta7Y0U&list=PL_OiVO2W6gojcM6KdhaBnvdBpxNTzr5uS&index=1)

Rey woke up to a distorted and blurred scene before her eyes. She could hear faint music playing from some distant room, or maybe it wasn’t so distant, she wasn't too sure. Everything was muddled in her head. It felt heavy like everything was taking her extra time to process. She pushed herself off the carpeted floor and sat up, running her hand over her face and gingerly prising something that looked suspiciously like tortilla chips off her arm. She lazily took in her surroundings, registering the few other bodies lying haphazardly around her. From a first scan of the room she noticed Rose curled up like a cat on the sofa in front of her, Finn and Poe snuggled around an empty bottle of vodka and Jess propped up against the sofa arm, a bucket loosely clasped in her arms and head lolling to one side. Cards were strewn across the room. A metallic banner that read _‘Happy New Year’_ was draped over the TV. Bottle caps, lighters and shot glasses; abandoned. A disco ball, still merrily rotating on the ceiling of the otherwise unlit space cast its colourful glow throughout the room, sending constellations of light dancing like stars, some falling against the wall, others tracing the soft outline of her friend’s faces as they lay, oblivious to the world.

Rey suddenly became aware of what had roused her. She could hear a man’s baritone voice coming from the kitchen. He was speaking softly as to avoid waking up the other people in the house. Rey couldn’t make out what he was saying because the door between them was only slightly ajar. She could, however, discern the tone of his voice, leading her to believe that he was on the phone. He sounded as if he was smiling and occasionally she would hear him chuckle. Rey cautiously lifted herself from the floor that seemed to be mysteriously swaying. She shuffled over to the door, arms outstretched should she fall. Her gaze was concentrated on the floor as she consciously planted one foot in front of another, willing herself to stay upright. Moonlight was seeping in from under the door, casting out harsh shadows, transforming the landscape of the floor, spilling onto her bare feet and pooling around her ankles. After some time, the door was finally within arm’s reach. Lifting her hands to meet the wall, Rey leaned against the doorframe, craning her neck to get a better view of the kitchen without disturbing the anonymous figure.

The moonlight currently ebbing around Rey’s feet was a result of the half-open window at the far end of the kitchen. The curtains were trailing into the darkness, oscillating lazily in the winter breeze. The light streamed in through it, illuminating the entire room in a frosty haze. To Rey, it looked almost as if the entire room was composed of stone statues. In her inebriated state, her mind wasn’t opposed to believing this illusion. She was almost convinced of it until -

until -

she saw him.

Rey had seen him before. In the halls, with Poe, in classes. But nothing had prepared her for this. After painful months of assuring herself that she wasn’t attracted to him, she could convince herself of this lie no longer.

The moonlight flooded towards him as if it gravitated to him as if he was the centre of the solar system. Spider webs of light emanated from his form, connecting all objects to one another. An effect that looked to Rey like constellations, hundreds upon thousands of them. The light swirled around his broad frame, causing his clothes to ripple. It latched onto his body, highlighting the swells and dips of his muscles. It threw his aquiline features into harsh relief. A few strands of his hair that had staged a coup from the waves that cascaded around his face, caught the glow, turning them into solid silver that was mirrored along the bridge of his nose and soft peak of his lips.

Just when Rey was about to turn and leave, he laughed. A mellifluous, resonant laugh that echoed around the room and crashed into Rey. It reverberated through her body, causing the breath in her lungs to freeze. A sound so harrowing, she knew it would never truly leave her. Because she knew she would never call him _mine._

*

A wave of exhaustion suddenly enveloped Rey, sleep beckoned to her like an old friend. Glancing at the oven clock, she managed to make out _04:17._ Pivoting to return to her previous sleeping spot, Rey, miscalculating her sobriety, tripped and fell across the threshold of the door.

Her hands stretched out in front of her on impulse, causing the door to burst open. She crashed to the floor. The man whipped his head around. Sliding his phone into his pocket, he hurried over to where Rey was groaning. Crouching down, he coaxed her into a seated position.

‘Shit,’ Rey swore, clasping her ankle. She hissed through her teeth. It was the man’s turn to swear now.

‘Are you okay?’ He curved a broad arm under hers and around her shoulder. Rey clutched at his waist as he hauled her up.

‘Been better,’ Rey mumbled. Guiding her towards the sofa, he swept pizza boxes and empty cups off the cushions, where they clattered to the floor, rolling in large, aimless circles, spilling droplets of liquid that caught the moonlight. Setting her down on the wonky cushions, he made his way towards the fridge, picking his way through more cups, pizza boxes and bottles. He bent down and opened the freezer door. The light from it illuminated his figure, casting shadows across the room and towards Rey.

‘What were you doing?’ Crouching, he opened the lower drawer and began rummaging through its contents.

‘I was, um, hungry,’ she replied meekly. Hunger was about the last thing on her mind right now, she could still feel the constriction of nausea around her stomach

[take my breath away - berlin](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4JMTiPbCNU&list=PL_OiVO2W6gojcM6KdhaBnvdBpxNTzr5uS&index=2)

Seeming to have found what he was looking for, he straightened up and returned to her side. He was holding an ice pack. His eyes scanned the room and upon deeming whatever else he was looking for unfindable, he placed the pack next to her and proceeded to remove his t-shirt. Hastily averting her eyes, feeling as though she might melt, Rey could not fathom how stripping was a necessary action at this moment. She wasn’t complaining though and contemplated joining him. In a bid for distraction, her mind registered the music that was issuing from the radio. It was playing _Berlin’s_ 1986 hit _Take My Breath Away_ and upon returning her eyes to his now topless form, she had to agree with this statement.

*

Until now, Rey had never physically felt herself blush. She was completely and utterly aware of the blood rushing to her cheeks and there was nothing she could do to stop it. Never in her life had she been more grateful for darkness. Despite still not being party to this half-naked man’s thought process, Rey did not find herself shying away from him. There was something about him that made her trust him. She knew this feeling and she did not like it.

His torso was beautifully sculpted, like marble. The smattering of freckles on his face did not end there. They extended down the plain of his chest like constellations. She wished she could gaze at them long enough to map them as the Ancient Greeks had done with the stars of the sky. Drawing his arms down from above his head, she marvelled at his toned arms and large hands that were draped in folds of moonlight.

Rey watched as he slowly wrapped his t-shirt around the ice pack he had retrieved, his actions now making sense. He was humming along to the music, a boyish smile etched across his face, leading her to believe he was not entirely sober either.

‘I think I danced to this at my prom,’ he remarked.

‘Oh, well, it is a good song,’ she replied awkwardly.

Sitting down beside her, he reached down to her extended leg and grabbed her shin, his hand easily encircling it and pulled it towards him. Rey, realising what he was doing, lifted herself with her hands, shifting her weight so she was facing him with her leg resting in his lap. He pressed the ice pack to her ankle. Rey sucked a breath in through her teeth. His eyes darted up to her grimacing face.

‘Better?’

‘Yes.’

‘I’m Ben, by the way.’

Rey stilled. _I know who you are. Hell, all I think about is you, and here you are, shirtless, at bloody 4:30 in the morning, drunk._ A sudden wave of bitterness crashed over her.

‘Why are you helping me?’

He looked at her resentfully.

‘A “thank you” or introduction would suffice.’

The rudeness of Rey’s response only just dawning on her, she opened her mouth to speak when he stood up. Her leg slid off his lap and onto the dark cushions below. She followed him with her gaze. A horrible dread spreading through her gut with the realisation that he might be leaving. She was about to apologise when -

‘You mentioned you were hungry?’

She wasn’t. But she also wasn’t about to be rude again, so she stayed silent. He stalked over to the kitchen counter, pulling his phone out of his pocket as he walked. He smiled at something on the screen, pausing for a second before slipping it back into his pocket and scouting the counter for anything edible.

  
Rey suddenly felt ashamed of how she’d treated him and sought to redeem herself, although she couldn’t shake the nagging feeling of…loneliness? Resentment? Jealousy? She took a steadying breath.

‘I’m Rey. And thank you for helping me, I really appreciate it.’

He nodded. Arms laden with food and drink, he returned to where she was sitting. Placing the offering onto the cushions beside her, he once again, lifted her leg and placed it on his lap, muttering something about elevation. He reached into the pile for a bag of tortilla chips. Rey frowned. The indents on her arm prickled. Reading her face, he put the packet down and held up an apple, simultaneously replacing the makeshift ice pack. She reached forward to take the fruit from him, their fingers grazing for a fraction of a second. A river of warmth trickled up her arm from the point of contact. Determined not to blush for the third time, she asked the first question that came to mind.

‘Who were you on the phone with?’

The moment the words left her mouth she regretted it. She didn’t want to know. His answer would break her more than she cared to admit.

‘My girlfriend.’

‘Oh.’

She tried to act surprised, but how could she be when a man this beautiful existed. In hindsight, there was no chance he was single.

A moment of silence passed between them. The light that streamed in from the window revealed his features as searching hers. Suddenly becoming self-aware, Rey reached up to smooth her hair and rub any debris off her face. She inwardly cursed herself for this, she was sure he could read emotions well enough to pick up on her self-consciousness. What might he choose to do with this information, she didn’t know.

‘How long have you been together?’ She asked, not wanting any awkwardness to arise between them.

‘Almost a year.’

_Fuck. That meant they were serious._

‘Nice party.’ He remarked after her silence.

‘Um, yeah, you could call it that,’ she paused, ‘who do you know here?’ While Rey had seen Ben around campus as he was in her circle of friends, she was pretty sure they had never directly spoken before. _No time like the present,_ she thought.

‘I’m friends with Hux, who’s close to Poe.’ It being the latter’s party. ‘He dragged me here.’

Something didn’t click in Rey’s head.

‘Hux?’ Rey’s mind was still clouded and what with not being very close to either of them, she couldn’t put a face to a name.

‘Hux.’ Ben surveyed the room before pointing to a figure sporting a lopsided party hat atop bright red hair, slumped against the wall. Rey had failed to notice him. She was surprised he hadn’t woken up, _he must be truly out of it._ Hux took this opportune moment to grumble in his sleep, eliciting quiet laughs from the pair.

At this, Rey groaned and clutched her stomach and leaned back against the sofa arm. Ben caught her eye and held it, his features softening infinitesimally.

‘Here, I’ll make you my world-famous hangover cure.’ Rey smiled in silent gratitude.

*

[kiss me - sixpence none the richer](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YrZol_gnkgE&list=PL_OiVO2W6gojcM6KdhaBnvdBpxNTzr5uS&index=3)

Ben filled the kettle with water and turned back to Rey, leaning against the counter opposite the one she was perched on. Rey’s attention turned to the song playing on the old radio that rested next to Ben. Its familiar introduction drifted to her ears like the icy breeze from the window that was now making its home around her. At her recognition of the song, Rey smiled. Ben’s eyes traced her expression. He seemed to pause before pushing himself off the counter and pivoting. With his back to her, he picked up the radio to fiddle with the dials, giving her Rey her first unobstructed view of the plane of his back that slimmed down into a toned waist and prominent hip bones. Having successfully increased the volume on the radio he stepped towards her. Placing one leg behind the other, he bent his knees in a shaky bow and extended his hand towards her.

‘Would you care to dance?’

‘I’d be honoured,’ Rey giggled.

A draft soared in through the window, ruffling his hair. His lashes fluttered as he peaked up at Rey through them, smiling bashfully. Rey’s stomach was picked up by the passing breeze and carried off with it. She bit back a grin. Cautiously pushing herself off the counter and onto the floor, she supported her weight on her one good leg.

In a fit of triumph, Ben grabbed Rey’s hand and pulled her towards the middle of the room. Rey yelped and toppled forwards. Having realised his mistake, his eyes widened in shock. Diving forwards, he caught her before she hit the ground, one hand cradling the back of her head and the other hand pressed to the small of her back. The moonlight shone above him, entwined in his hair, causing it to appear as if there was a silver halo encircling his head.

‘I really must stop doing that,’ She said.

Ben chuckled.

He apologised while pulling her back up to her full height. Laughing, she replied,

‘Don’t worry about it.’

‘Let’s try again, shall we?’

Rey breathed a sigh of relief and waited while Ben circled her, kicking rubbish out of the way to create a dance floor. Rey didn't care.

He returned to her and she placed her hand in his outstretched one. Ben snaked an arm around her waist to better support her. Following his lead, Rey set her hand on his smooth shoulder that was cool to the touch. He began to sway in time to the beat of the drums. Rey let herself be guided by him, taking small steps, letting him spin her occasionally. She felt safe in his arms and besides, her ankle only twinged occasionally. They moved clumsily, what with Rey’s injured leg and the alcohol still pulsing through their veins. She knew this was wrong, but being wrong had never felt so good.

She noticed Ben’s brow was furrowed in some unreadable emotion. Wishing she could relieve him of his conflict, she trailed her hand up his shoulder, before travelling past his neck, his jaw and into his hair, tangling her fingers in it with the intention of never letting go. Her thumb traced the line of his brow in a bid to get him to relax it. She succeeded in doing this. His forehead smoothed and the line of his mouth softened. She hadn’t properly admired his eyes until now. They looked like the night sky, unreadable and impossibly deep. The music swelled into its chorus, filling her heart and bursting out of her at the seams.

‘I love this song,’ Rey whispered.

‘Kiss me.’

Rey smiled, ‘by _Sixpence None the Richer_ , yes.’

‘No, kiss me.’

Her breath caught in her throat.

He leaned forwards, placing the gentlest of kisses on her lips. She returned the kiss, opening her mouth slightly. Slipping his tongue into hers, he let go of her hand to place it on her waist. She ran her empty hand through his silky hair. Returning his action, she rolled her tongue across his. She felt the silvery glow of moonlight burning through her eyelids. The breeze carding through her hair, swirling around their intertwined bodies. She moved a hand from his hair to his cheek, keeping the mouths together. She traced the freckles on his face, his back, his chest. He reciprocated, exploring her body with hands like marble.

Rey had never been kissed like this before. Like they had all the time in the world, like no one else existed, in complete harmony with each other. It wasn’t a means to an end, they were in the moment, now, enjoying each other’s presence.

She knew what she was doing was wrong. Despite this, she could not locate a single muscle in her body that had the strength to push Ben away from her. She had imagined this moment for months, it was finally here and she wouldn’t give it up for anything. After all, it was New Year's day and everyone deserved to be kissed on the New Year. She had arrived at this party envisioning herself kissing one of her friends at best. But this, this was more than she could have hoped for and she never wanted it to end. She wanted to be his forever, she wanted to call him _mine._

[when the party's over - billie eilish](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmAlLoDASr8&list=PL_OiVO2W6gojcM6KdhaBnvdBpxNTzr5uS&index=4)

The end did come. It came in the form of a phone call. The ring piercing the haze of oblivion that hummed around them. Ben broke the kiss and pulled his phone from his pocket, removing his hands from her body in the process. Rey’s body cried in protest but she forced herself to remain still. An icy chill crawled up her spine and spread to her gut. Ben’s phone lit up the space between their bodies as he stared at the screen. Seconds passed. Ben gazed at his phone, unblinking. He passed one of his hands through his hair, pushing it out of his face. Rey couldn’t read the name on the screen, but she didn’t need to see it to know who it was. Tears began to claw at her eyes and her throat closed up. Ben’s thumb hovered in between the green and red buttons at the bottom of the screen. He finally turned away from her, thumbing the accept button. He stalked into the bedroom, leaving Rey amongst the cups, plates and bottles who looked just about as discarded as she felt.

*

The air around Rey congealed. Her limbs froze and the breath in her lungs caught. The guilt she felt hung heavy above her, the weight of her wrongdoings collapsing onto her shoulders.

She could hear people shouting and laughing from the street below.

She stood in the centre of the kitchen, surrounded by the rubbish that had once been their audience. She waited alone, yet she did not know what she waited for. When she could no longer hear the group of people below, her senses returned to her. Arms clutched around herself, she shuddered and drew breath. The air that escaped her lungs transforming into fine crystals, glittering in the darkness that shrouded her.

The floor swayed less now. She almost felt sober. Her feet carried her unthinkingly towards the window that was flooding the room with icy drafts. Barely registering the pale moon or the hanging stars, she closed the window onto the outside world.

She crept over to the sofa and cautiously sat herself on the edge of it as if she would break at any moment. Her eyes fell on the ice pack that had been discarded as he had whisked her to the kitchen in his arms, the pair laughing uncontrollably as he had stumbled across the floor and placed her on the table. She reached for it and unwound Ben’s t-shirt, revealing the now melted pack. She held the damp shirt directly out in front of her, her eyes flicking over the design for the first time. It was burgundy with a white graphic of a nocturnal landscape, the words _Death Cab For Cutie_ printed along the bottom. Rey had never heard of them. She wondered what else she didn’t know about Ben and what else she had to learn. _Depending on whether he chooses to acknowledge my existence after this,_ she thought. Stripping herself down to her underwear, she pulled the shirt over her head. It hung loosely to her thin frame, stopping just above her knees. Had Rey been thinking clearly, she may have concluded that this was a slightly out of place action succeeding the events of tonight, but she was not. Reaching across the sofa, she grabbed the fleecy blanket that was draped over the back of it. She tucked herself in, pulling the blanket up to her chin, resting her head on one of the pillows. Before Rey could let herself dwell on what had conspired in the last hour, she fell into a deep sleep, riddled with dreams of stars and moonlight and Ben.

*

[a lack of colour - death cab for cutie](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIWBPP8D0pU&list=PL_OiVO2W6gojcM6KdhaBnvdBpxNTzr5uS&index=5)

Rey woke for the second time that day. Although this time, it was to the sound of birds singing and sunlight filtering in through the windows. The early morning light trickled down the wooden cabinets, pooling on the floor, casting an orange glow onto the furniture that sent long shadows crawling along the floor to where Rey slept. She sat up and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. The morning sun painted her face with warmth as she stood. Forgetting about her ankle, she cursed in pain and fell back down onto the sofa, head throbbing. Standing up again, more cautiously this time, she managed to hobble over to the reopened window at the far end of the room. Leaning out, a gust of icy wind struck her face, banishing some of her headache. She breathed deeply, letting the cold air bite her lungs.

All of the houses opposite her had their curtains drawn. She assumed that almost everyone in the country was also battling a killer hangover. She could hear distant crows, signifying daybreak. Cars made their way down the dark roads, lampposts blinking and flickering out, one by one. Ducking her head, she drew her body back inside the room. Catching sight of the oven clock, she decided that a few more hours of rest would do her some good. She drew the curtains, the golden light in the room disappearing without a trace, only the residual warmth on Rey’s face giving any hint to its former presence.

She limped back to where she slept. Passing the bedroom on her return, she realised the door was ajar and that the figure that had been slumped against the wall next to it during the night, was gone, save for a lone party hat that lay abandoned on the floor. Rey inched towards the door, treading as lightly as possible. She peered in.

She saw Ben and Hux seated on the bed with their backs towards her. Hux’s arm was draped around Ben's still shirtless form. He was resting his head in his hands, folded over onto his knees. Hux was speaking in hushed, gentle tones. Rey stood stock still, not wanting to disturb them and not wanting to be seen. She began to back away. To her horror, Hux began to stand, squeezing Ben’s shoulder as he left. Ben stayed curled in on himself. Heat spread to Rey’s cheeks. She felt wholly responsible for his visible anguish. Realising she was completely within view of Hux exiting the room, she froze, expecting him to shout at her. _I deserve it,_ she thought. Except he didn’t. He smiled at her and said,

‘Hi, Rey, can I have a word?’

She gulped, glancing at Ben.

‘Um, yeah.’ She felt as if she would melt into the ground. His calmness and benevolence were worse than any harsh words she felt would be in accordance with last night’s behaviour.

‘Okay, good,’ He paused, ‘last night, Ben’s girlfriend broke up with him.’

Rey felt giddy. From excitement, guilt or something else, she did not know. Thoughts swirled around her head, _is this my fault? Is he relieved? Is he angry at me?_ But the question at the forefront of her mind was, _what does this mean for us?_ Rey chided herself, _this isn’t about me, it’s about Ben. He’s upset and I need to help him._ Rey felt so overwhelmed by emotions, she did not know what to say. All she could manage was an empty,

‘Oh.’

‘Yeah, I know.’

They stared at each other for a moment. Having never spoken before, this felt like a rather odd first conversation to be having, _but, so far this year, everything seems to be a bit out of place._

He continued, ‘Unfortunately, I have to get going now so I was wondering if you would mind talking to Ben to make sure he’s alright while I’m gone. I know you two aren’t exactly friends,’ Rey held back a snort, ‘but I think he needs to not be alone right now. I’m sorry if this is a lot to ask.’

Rey blanked. This was going to be awkward. She didn’t know what to say to Hux. She felt her presence would only aggravate the situation, but he was looking at her so hopefully and so obliviously.

‘Yes, of course, I will.’

He smiled and thanked her. She watched him collect his coat and exit the apartment, leaving her alone.

Bracing herself, she entered the bedroom, closing the door behind her.

*

[happiness is a butterfly - lana del rey](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78AsBzYCShI&list=PL_OiVO2W6gojcM6KdhaBnvdBpxNTzr5uS&index=6)

She sat down next to Ben as gently as she could. She didn’t know whether to touch him, to speak or to leave him. She had no idea what he needed from her right now. She settled for an apology.

‘Ben, I-’ The words caught in her throat.

She was unable to see his expression. His hair fell around his face, blocking out the world like curtains, his head in his hands.

‘Ben, I am so sorry.’ She gathered her thoughts. ‘What I did was wrong and selfish. If any of -,’ she paused, thinking of how to express the situation tactfully, ‘this was my fault then I am so, so sorry. I understand if you never want to talk to me again. Just - just tell me to leave.’

He did not move.

‘Ben -,’

Her voice broke.

Hot tears spilt down her cheeks, splashing onto his t-shirt. Rey cursed her past self for making the insensitive decision to wear his top, _I look bad in it anyway._

Not knowing what to do anymore, she made to leave when she felt a hand rest on her thigh. She lifted her gaze. Their eyes met. More tears rolled down her face at the sight of his. His eyes were red-rimmed and swollen, his bottom lip trembled.

‘Oh, Ben.’

His face crumpled. He looked down. She moved to stand in front of him, reaching for his chin, she angled his head towards her. Cupping his face in her hand, she brushed a tear off his cheek with her thumb. He leaned into her touch. Glancing down again, he opened his mouth to speak.

‘It’s not your fault,’ he croaked. ‘She got a job abroad and didn’t want a long-distance relationship.’

Selfish relief washed over Rey. She tucked a piece of hair behind his ear, choosing her words carefully.

‘Well then,’ she paused, taking a chance, ‘fuck her.’

He looked up at her.

‘Fuck her if she’s too short-sighted to see what’s right in front of her is the best she’s gonna get and fuck her for breaking your heart, you don’t deserve that, Ben, you really don’t.’

Now it was his turn to take a chance. He reached his hand up to cup Rey’s face, pulling her towards him. He kissed her, a kiss of gratitude. She poured as much love and reassurance into the kiss as she could, placing one hand on his shoulder and the other on his face. She pulled away from him, smiling, their tears lingering on each other’s faces.

Mirroring Ben from earlier that night, she said,

‘Come on, I’ll make you my world-famous hangover cure.’

He laughed and she took his hand as they made their way out of the bedroom.

*

[new light - john mayer](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aGQnED9a2N0&list=PL_OiVO2W6gojcM6KdhaBnvdBpxNTzr5uS&index=7)

Rey was backed up against the door, laughing as Ben reached for the doorknob behind her. She squirmed in an attempt to keep him from doing so. When he finally did, the door swung open faster than anticipated. Ben leapt forward to catch her by the waist. She reached up to card her fingers through his hair in return, both of them smiling giddily at one another. Rey was fully aware of how inappropriate she was being, seeing as Ben’s girlfriend had broken up with him a matter of hours ago, but she couldn't find it in herself to care. Not when he was laughing this much, not when she hadn’t felt this happy in so long.

All of a sudden, Ben tore his gaze away from her and to something behind her head. His face fell and he froze. Rey whipped her head around to see Rose; bleary-eyed and barely supporting her own weight, leaning against the doorframe of the living room that was opposite them. The three of them stared at each other for what felt like hours. Rose looked to Rey, then to Ben and back to Rey again. It suddenly dawned on Rey that she was clad in nothing more than Ben’s t-shirt and that he was completely topless. Rose sighed and turned around, walking back into the living room to rejoin the others, shaking her head and muttering about how _'it’s too early for this shit.'_

Rey turned to face Ben, who looked just about as embarrassed as she felt. The tips of his ears were scarlet and his eyes were glassy. Rey burst into laughter, Ben soon following suit. They stumbled over to where they’d left their clothes.

As soon as they reached the sofa, still laughing and holding onto each other, Rey began to dress. She pulled her jeans on and began to remove her shirt. They were laughing too hard to be bothered by the intimacy of her actions. Whether they were amused by what had just conspired, whether it was due to a build-up of hysterics from the events of the last night or whether it was due to the trace of alcohol still in their systems, Rey didn’t care. She hadn’t laughed this hard in forever. As she began to pull the t-shirt over her head, Ben caught her arms, still chuckling. She looked up at him in confusion. He grinned down at her.

‘Keep it, it suits you.’

She beamed at him and rose onto tiptoes to kiss him. His ears reddened at this, and she laughed.

‘What will you wear?’

He shrugged. Rey bit her lip.

He turned and walked over to the kitchen table, pulling out one of the chairs and retrieving a jumper which he proceeded to pull over his head.

The living room door opened for a second time that morning, Rey and Ben turned their heads to see Rose again, this time exiting with her hand over her eyes.

‘I just want water,’ she demanded.

Rey laughed and approached her friend, taking hold of her hand and lowering it,

‘You’re fine,’ Rey replied through a smile.

‘Just some warning next time, okay?’

‘Next time!’ Rey exclaimed, although neither she nor Ben disputed this.

‘How did you sleep?’ Rey asked her as Ben busied himself with finding a glass.

‘Better than you, presumably,’ she said eyeing Ben.

‘Rose!’ Rey gasped. Grabbing her friend's arm, she dragged Rose into the bedroom, flashing Ben am apologetic smile and shutting the door behind them.

Rose stood there, arms folded and eyebrows raised, looking thoroughly unimpressed.

‘Doesn’t he have a girlfriend?’

‘Well,’ Rey sniffed ‘not any more.’

‘What! You didn't break them up did you, Rey?!’

‘No, No! Well, no, of course not. His girlfriend broke up with him.’

She expected Rose to beam at her, to ask her all about what happened, but she did not.

‘So?!’

‘So what?’ Rep replied, puzzled.

‘So, Rey, you can’t get all up close and personal with a man who broke up with his girlfriend this morning!’

‘She broke up with him,’ Rey repeated quietly, the gravity of her statement lost on the both of them.

‘That’s not the point, Rey! Look, I am truly happy for you, but you cannot date someone who hasn’t even had a day alone to process their feelings.’

Rey knew she was right, but she didn’t want to hear it. Rose stepped towards her, taking her hands in her own, smiling,

‘Rey, if you want to go out with Ben then that is your decision and I fully support you, but I just think you need to give him some time to figure out what he wants, okay?’

‘Okay,’ Rey sighed, ‘that’s fair.’ Rose pulled her into an embrace which she returned.

‘Now, tell me everything that happened,’ she said, beaming.

*

Rose listened to her story patiently, gasping and laughing in all the right places.

When Rey had finished Rose said,

‘Wow, Rey, I don’t know what to -,’

The door behind them opened and they both turned to see Poe poking his head around it. His hair was a mess and he had dark circles around his eyes. Despite this, he was smiling youthfully,

‘As much as I understand the importance of boy-talk, ladies, we do have an apartment full of trash that isn’t going to clean itself.’

Rey blushed and looked away,

‘How did you know?’ Rose asked.

‘Didn’t until now,’ Poe grinned. Rose rolled her eyes and followed him out the door.

Rey called her name.

‘Yes?’

‘I’m just going to stay here for a minute.’

‘Okay. Are you alright?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Well, if you're sure,’ she smiled, ‘We’ll talk later.’ She shut the door behind her.

Rey entered the en suite on the other side of the room. She switched the light on and looked at her reflection, eyes flickering over unkempt hair and a sleep-deprived face. She ran the tap and splashed some water over her face in an attempt to remove the remnants of last night’s makeup before combing through her hair with her fingers and patting it into order. _What am I doing?_ She thought. _I can’t date him, he just ended a serious relationship._ She sighed and ordered her thoughts. _Okay, I’ll talk to him and give him time to process his feelings and then we’ll just see what happens. I’ve waited months for this, I can wait a few more. He needs friends right now._ She paused. _I can do that, I can be a friend._

*

[what a feeling - one direction](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XEXDSjY0Io&list=PL_OiVO2W6gojcM6KdhaBnvdBpxNTzr5uS&index=8)

Rey entered the kitchen to see the blinds were now thrown wide open and the sunlight reclaiming its cheerful presence throughout the room. She saw Poe holding a bin bag in outstretched arms as Jessika threw pieces of rubbish into it from across the room. Rose was shaking her head and failing to hide a smile. Finn was shouting _‘Careful!’_ whenever Jessika would retrieve a heavier piece of rubbish. Ben was laughing his enchanting laugh that circled through Rey’s head, making her giddy. A laugh she could listen to forever. She was knocked out of her reverie by a shout from Jessika,

‘Hah! Look!’

‘What?’ Poe asked, the others looked up, Finn grimacing at the loud noise.

‘A bottle!’ Poe frowned in confusion.

‘Uh, yeah, you keep drinks in them.’

‘I know what a bottle is, dimwit,’ Jessika retorted, ‘It gave me an idea!’

‘Oh no.’ Poe drawled.

Rey looked over to Ben who was washing up cutlery in the sink. He was wearing gloves and an apron that read _Kiss the cook_ in bold letters, she snorted. He looked at her. Their eyes met, holding each other’s gaze. He smiled at her, a vulnerable and honest smile that radiated towards her. She returned his grin, completely lost in his dark eyes and the warmth he was flooding her with despite their distance.

‘Come off it,’ Jessika replied, rolling her eyes. ‘It’s for spin the bottle!’

‘Yes!’ Cheered Poe.

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ said Rose, glancing at Rey and Ben.

‘Come on, it’ll be good!’ Poe exclaimed.

‘Don’t stress Rose it’s just a bit of fun,’ Rey said, ‘you don’t have to join in if you don’t want to.’

‘Okay, okay, fine,’ Rose replied defensively.

Poe grabbed Finn’s hand, who was looking sceptical, and sat down. Jessika seated herself next to Poe and placed the bottle in the centre of the circle. Rey placed herself in the middle of the space between them and beckoned Rose over who came over to sit on her right.

‘Okay, Jessika, you start,’ Poe said.

‘Hang on, we’re missing someone.’

‘Ben has a girlfriend,’ Poe explained.

Speaking for the first time since Rey had returned, Ben said, ‘Actually, I don’t.’ The others gasped.

‘What?!’ Poe exclaimed.

‘We, um, broke up.’ He paused. ‘This morning.’ Ben removed his gloves and apron.

‘Dude! I’m so sorry, why am I only just hearing this?’

Ben rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment.

‘Well, come on then, join us!’ Poe said.

Ben smiled and strolled over to the group, seating himself between Finn and Rey.

‘Let’s go.’ Jessika said as she leaned into the centre of the circle. She spun the bottle. Everyone watched with bated breath as it slowed to a halt in front of Poe, who cheered. Finn frowned and placed a firm hand on his boyfriend’s knee as the group began chanting _‘Beards! Beards! Beards!’_ Poe smiled at Finn before turning away from him and towards Jessika, who scrunched up her face and leaned forwards, brushing her lips to Poe’s in the briefest of kisses. Poe coughed and Jessika wiped her lips on her sleeve. Rose burst out laughing, causing the rest of the group to relax and laugh off any awkwardness.  
‘My go!’ Beamed Poe.

He replaced the bottle in the centre and spun it. It had barely made one round before Finn grabbed hold of it and pointed it towards himself. Poe looked at him in shock as everyone laughed. Finn grabbed the front of Poe’s shirt and pulled him forwards to kiss him but not before shooting an angry glance at Jessika who was smiling apologetically. They kissed for a few seconds before Ben said,

‘Woah, guys, we’re still here.’

Poe broke their kiss,

‘Sorry,’ he replied, but he certainly didn’t look it. ‘Okay, your go,’ he told Finn.

To Rey’s surprise, it landed on her. An idea hit her with a rush of adrenaline. She pushed her hair behind her ears and crawled towards Finn. When their faces were close together, Rey made a point of tilting her head in the direction of Ben and smiling.

Rey and Finn had been best friends for years so she knew he would immediately understand what she was trying to tell him. Finn’s eyes widened in shock and Rey bit her lip. He nodded but only just enough for her to understand before placing a hand on the back of her head, tangling his fingers in her hair and pulled her into a kiss. She, in turn, fisted one hand in his shirt, pulling him closer. She heard Poe’s growl of disapproval, but she didn’t care. All she cared about was the man next to her, and whether he was watching. Finn slipped her his tongue and she almost withdrew in surprise.

At this Poe barked, ‘He’s mine,’ and pulled Finn towards him, breaking their kiss. Poe frowned and Finn laughed, before placing a brief kiss on Poe’s lip and whispering an explanation in his ear.

Rey returned to her original position, determined not to look at Ben. Poe was silent now and frowning, looking from Rey to Ben, to Rey again. She gave in to the urge to glance at Ben whose jaw was clenched and seemed to be very interested in the wall opposite him. She could see how heavily he was breathing. Rey reddened in response and Poe gasped. He was well and truly spluttering now. In a desperate bid to distract Poe, Rey reached to the bottle in the middle of the group and spun it.

It spun as if almost in slow motion, fueled by Rey’s hope. It circled one last time before coming to a halt on -

Ben.

Rose caught her eye, caution blazing in her eyes. Rey smiled reassuringly at her and turned to Ben on her other side.

Ben was looking at her like there was nobody else in the room. Like it was last night all over again. He bent forwards, cupping her face. Rey smiled and tangled her fingers in his hair. He placed a gentle kiss on her lips which she returned gratefully, taking everything he was giving and more. Ben circled his arm around her waist and she placed a hand on the smooth plane of his chest. Sunlight swirled and coursed through her, tracing patterns on her skin and curling around her arms like vines, forming webs between her and Ben, connecting them as if they had never been apart.

‘Okay, guys…’ Jessika called across the circle.

Rey ignored this, continuing to press her lips to Ben’s mouth, hoping this would never end.

‘Guys!’ She called again, this time they broke apart, smiling, lost in each other’s gaze.

‘I think that’s enough of that,’ Poe remarked, picking up the bottle from the centre of the circle and adding it to the contents of the bin bag.

‘Hang on!’ Rose exclaimed, ‘I didn’t get a kiss!’

At this, Jessika crawled towards, pulled Rose’s face towards her and kissed her. Jessika pulled away and Rose blushed, making them laugh.

‘Back to work everyone!’ Shouted Poe.

Ben and Rey shared a smile as they stood up and resumed their jobs around the house.

*

[can i call you tonight - dayglow](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQ0a2dMyL4c&list=PL_OiVO2W6gojcM6KdhaBnvdBpxNTzr5uS&index=9)

Rey, unsure of how to help, found herself holding Ben’s hand and being led back to the sink. He donned the gloves and apron and handed her a tea towel.

‘Here, you can do the drying.’

‘Sure,’ she replied. _Anything to spend time with you._ ‘So,’ she paused, ‘how are you feeling?’

He passed her a shot glass for drying. ‘Um, I’m okay. It hasn’t really hit me yet, you know?’

‘Yeah last night was…’

‘Crazy,’ he finished.

She laughed. ‘Definitely.’

‘So, about us,’ she began, ‘Ben, what I did is unforgivable, I am so sorry.’

He turned off the tap and moved to face her, leaning against the counter as he had done last night. ‘Don’t be. It really wasn’t you.’

A heavy silence settled between them as he gave her a plate.

Rey initiated their conversation again, ‘I really like,’ she hesitated, ‘this, us. But I think it’s too soon for anything to happen between us. If anything ever does,’ she hastened to add.

‘I agree. Let’s put it on hold for now.’

She nodded and had to stop herself from reaching out to him.

Before things got awkward, Poe entered the kitchen and approached them. Rose followed behind him and began to resume Poe’s litter picking.

‘I’ll take over Rey, you can have a rest,’ Poe said, taking the cloth and plate from Rey’s hands.

Confusion clouded Rey’s thoughts but before she could speak, she saw Finn stick his head out of the living room door and beckon her inside.

‘Okay, thanks,’ She replied to Poe who nodded and initiated conversation with Ben.

She left them and entered the living room.

*

The blinds in this room were open now as well, light creeping along the floor and cupping Finn’s face.

‘What’s going on?’ he said, a grin plastered across his features.

‘Nothing,’ Rey replied, a coy smile playing across her lips. Finn burst into laughter, eyebrows raised in disbelief. ‘Okay, okay!’ she breathed through her mirth. ‘Ben and I,’ she paused, searching for the right words, ‘had a thing last night.’

‘You - !’

‘No!’ She retorted. ‘We just kissed,’ she hesitated, ‘a couple times.’ A blush blossoming against her cheeks.

‘Are you gonna go out with him?’

‘No. Well - not right now. Maybe one day.’

‘Cool’ He beamed at her. ‘Makes sense, he probably needs some time to himself.’

She nodded, lost in thought. ‘Yeah,’ she hastily added, realising he was searching her face for a reply. ‘Anyway, how was your night?’

‘It was -,’

The door clicked open, revealing Poe for the second time that morning.

‘Hey, guys, sorry to bother you but Ben’s leaving.’

Rey stilled, not knowing which course of action was most appropriate given the circumstances. Before last night, she would have hardly cared, but now, things were different. She decided that an amicable goodbye was her best option.

Following Poe out the door, she saw Ben in his hoodie and leather jacket. Poe went to open the door after Ben had bid farewell to the rest of the guests. He finally turned around to meet her gaze. Their eyes caught, staring at each other from across the room, a distance that to Rey, had never felt so profound. He offered her a smile and a small wave which she returned, in line with everyone else’s goodbye. She longed to touch him, to hug him, kiss him, but she refrained.

He looked as if he were about to speak, but before the words left his mouth, he turned and walked over to where Poe was holding the door open.

‘Thanks, man,’ Ben said.

‘Anytime, let me know if you need anything.’

And with that, Ben left the apartment. Poe latched the door shut behind him and strolled back to the sink to resume Ben’s washing up. Everyone’s focus had returned to their former task. Except for Rey. Her heart and mind waging a battle that no one else was aware of. Before she could regret her actions, she strode over to the door, schooling her face and posture into a semblance of calm, determination gripping hold of her. Removing the latch, she pushed the door open and -

‘Ben.’

He was facing the door, hand raised, poised to knock on the door. Gaze meeting, she threw herself towards him, wrapping her arms around his sculpted torso. He curled his arms around her slight frame in response, resting his chin on her head. The door closed behind them.

‘Hey,’ he breathed through a smile as she leaned back to grin back up at him.

‘Thank you,’ she began, ‘for last night. Oh, and the t-shirt.’

‘Of course. Thank you for helping me.’

‘Of course,’ she mirrored.

‘I came back to say a real goodbye,’ he admitted.

‘Me too.’

A silence passed between them, but not a heavy silence, a silence of trust and newfound comfort, a silence that bound them together.

‘I should go.’ He said.

‘Okay.’

He beamed at her, ‘I’ll call you.’

She reached up to cup his face, unsaid words passing between them through her fingertips.

Placing his hand over hers, he stepped back, turning away when their fingers broke apart.

She watched him leave. _Not forever, though,_ she thought.

Once she could see him no longer, she smiled to herself, contentment and hope filling her and draping around her in the form of his shirt.

She inhaled slowly and reopened the door to the apartment of her friends, their joyous, familiar cacophony saturating the air and welcoming her home.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading i hope you enjoyed!!  
> take care everyone <3


End file.
